I’m a Survivor! Survivor of what you may ask...
Well my life didn’t start out so great! I have experienced, as most people have…the good, the bad and the downright ugly. A journey that has been full of life’s ups and downs and teachings that have made me who I am today!
2012 was a year of growth, acceptance and healing for me personally. And as I said…today is the beginning of the rest of my life. A life free of the burden of guilt one feels from being sexually abused as a child...
Like many survivors or victims of abuse, that is a difficult statement to say out loud. But now I've said it, I feel a weight has lifted and I can breathe! This doesn't define who I am by any means; however it is part of my life story.
Yes, I was the victim of sexual abuse. But I prefer to use the term SURVIVOR; because that is what I am. Victim is such a negative word anyways, but unfortunately a reality. There are many victims out there, trying to survive. A survivor is one who can take a negative experience like sexual abuse and gains the ability to go forth in life and make a difference in their own lives and in others’ lives, this IS a survivor. That’s my theory anyway!
I am sharing this with you now, not for sympathy…but for awareness. Child Sexual Abuse is at epidemic proportions right now, as people are beginning to openly discuss their issues through social media outlets and in everyday life outside of these platforms. I'm not going to pretend I have the answers, or know it all, as no one can. But I do know one thing…sexual abuse is affecting individuals from all walks of life in our community and around the world.
Stats show 1 in 3 girls and 1 in 6 boys experience an unwanted sexual act! That's significant numbers and means you probably know someone that has been abused!
Why now you may ask? Why come forward now? Well, that I can answer…basically to take a stand and because the time feels right and is right...not only for me but for survivors and victims’ out there that are children! There is a growing movement that is building momentum and a united voice that is getting stronger and stronger, shouting out loud and clear for our children "enough is enough". If only one person reads this story and gains comfort from knowing they are not alone then it has served a purpose.
We as individuals and as a society need to have a voice and we have a right to be heard. Our children, families, communities are relying on a justice system that obviously isn’t working and it is failing US…the innocent victims of abuse!
This was clear from the recent case surrounding a young woman in our community known as “Arizona” that never got her day in court due to delays in a poor dysfunctional justice system. Her “alleged unidentified perpetrator” free. I believe this young lady to be very real and true but unfortunately the law says she can’t disclose who she is and there is no picture to identify with her or her story…just anonymously known as “Arizona”. But I can identify with her story and that is what motivated me to speak out now…and put my name and face to a story of sexual abuse!
Most of us are aware of The Graham James case surrounding the abuse on NHL players Gregg Gilhooly, Sheldon Kennedy, Theo Fleury, Todd Holt and other young boys/men James coached. All have been high profile cases that we have heard about. So what about the many cases that we haven’t heard about? All these cases also valid are very upsetting, frustrating and disheartening for the victims involved. There are many victims / survivors who are silent and will stay silent if we don't see change in our laws. They have seen how this high profile case turned out and the lenient sentence handed down and will not come forward because of it.
Our laws, and the sentences handed down to these perpetrators when they are caught and convicted must change. With changes to our justice system there may be the possibility of a deterrent for those perpetrators of ever entertaining the idea of any type of sexual assault against another human being regardless of their age and gender. With changes in our justice system, victims, and survivors of abuse will feel comfortable coming forward and reporting assaults knowing that something will be done, and they can move forward in their healing. They too can and will encourage others to come forward and create awareness around the issue of abuse.
Child sexual abusers, pedophiles whatever you want to call them are not typically the creepy, greasy looking guy you would cross the street to avoid. They are more often a friend or neighbour, a respected person in the community. A person in a position of trust, and yes unfortunately that also includes relatives. Parents unknowingly put their children in these situations; this isn’t a criticism but a reality as how would you know? My parents thought they had the best neighbours who were always willing to help out where needed including babysitting me or any one of my 6 siblings. This neighbour was as I would define a pedophile that abused me. And there are many other victims out there with stories untold.
A petition is currently being circulated locally. This petition is requesting the Legislative Assembly to pass legislation that will expedite all cases of crimes against children;
- Automatically trigger an outside investigation, independent of Alberta Justice, where cases are stayed due to institutional or Crown delays, in order to determine the causes of such delays as well as solutions to ensure such delays do not happen again
- Grant victims over 18 the right to waive media bans on their name if they choose to speak publicly about their victimization
- Publish the number of Crown Stay of Proceedings and Withdrawals annually with an updated action plan from the Attorney General detailing how this problem is being addressed
- And ensure the government allocates adequate resources to ensure the Crown Prosecutor’s office is able to effectively manage all prosecutions against violent offenders, especially those charged with sexual and other violent crimes against children
For more information on how you can help or to sign petition email arizonasvoice2012@gmail.com or facebook Arizona's Voice.
This petition is just a tiny step forward but it is one of hope for a future that will see justice for victims of child sexual abuse. Will it help them recover? No, but it will show victims and survivors that we as adults and a society care, and we will stand by them through one of the toughest times they will experience in their life!
We need to have confidence that our justice system will make those that prey on children, stand trial and are convicted of these heinous crimes. Unfortunately as we know from recent events this isn't always the case. It’s bad enough that accused pedophiles receive lenient sentences in our country when their victims are handed down a life sentence...I should know, as I have carried the burden of being abused since the age of 4. And not by only one but three different abusers throughout my childhood...all of which I knew!
We need to protect our children from sexual predators! Don't be fooled into thinking you just need to teach your kids to keep away from strangers as most victims of child sexual assault know their abuser. If I have learnt anything, it is this...prevention and awareness is key. Teaching your children about their bodies and what appropriate and inappropriate touching is! And if anyone tries to touch or expose themselves to them, they feel comfortable coming to you...even if the perpetrator is a family member. Please listen to your children and educate yourself on what signs to look for. Pedophiles prey on any gender and age! Don't be complacent thinking "that will never happen in my family" as the stats show otherwise!
I am very much for prevention, that’s what working 11 years for Boys and Girls Club has taught me. We need to keep our children safe and protect them from sexual predators. The more knowledgeable you and your children are of the risks out there, the safer they are.
By signing the petition that is circulating, not only will you be taking a stand for a better justice system, you will be showing victims / survivors of abuse and the young Airdrie woman, that although the system let her down, we will not!
By sharing my story, it is acknowledging part of my past and childhood that was taken from me! This statement is for all victims of abuse out there and “Arizona” who is coming to terms with the fact that she was brave enough to tell her story only to be let down by a poor justice system! I am sorry you had to go through this but for all the pain you suffer, there is a positive! By speaking up...your case has people talking and I believe things will change because of it. So thank you for being brave and know that there is genuine people out there that care.
I was asked recently why we (victims of abuse) don’t speak out when the abuse is happening! My answer is this…abusers scare their victims into thinking bad things will happen to them or their family. And victims tend to shelter their family from the truth. There is the fear of not being believed, fear of being sent away, fear of breaking up the family, fear of people thinking it was your fault, fear of being looked at differently and fear that family will stop loving you!
Educate, talk and be very open with you children. Be more vigilant with babysitters, neighbours, friends, relatives, siblings, teachers, clergy…the list goes on. If your child or children go to sitters or attend programs after school, check that all staff has Child Intervention Checks. Same goes for coaches…if your child is into sports, their coach should be screened and if not, as parents it is your responsibility to ask why not? Responsible and legitimate organizations and Sports Associations will have this in place…so it doesn’t hurt to ask. The "Respect in Sports" program offered to coaches, teachers, volunteers etc is a great program founded by former NHL player Sheldon Kennedy and Wayne McNeil. For more information on this program go to www.respectgroupinc.com
If you are a victim of sexual assault/abuse, tell someone! You do not have to feel alone. Reach out and get help. Tell a family member or adult you trust. Believe me; the load you carry now gets lighter by sharing. Nearly every time I have shared the fact I was sexually abused, the response has been "me too"
If you are a victim of sexual assault/abuse, tell someone! You do not have to feel alone. Reach out and get help. Tell a family member or adult you trust. Believe me; the load you carry now gets lighter by sharing. Nearly every time I have shared the fact I was sexually abused, the response has been "me too"
No child should ever have to experience that feeling of fear and dread that you feel when your abuser is near or live a lifetime of guilt for something that wasn't ever their fault!
If you think your child has been sexually abused call RCMP or your local Victims Assistance. For Airdrie contact Airdrie & District Victims Assistance. Phone 403 945 7290 or go to their website www.airdrievictimassistance.com for more information.
Many resources and programs are available for parents, caregivers and professionals. Calgary Communities Against Sexual Abuse www.calgarycasa.com offer a "Who Do You Tell" program and other resources on Sexual Abuse and are also launching a Child Sexual Abuse website January 2013.
North Rocky View Community Links, in Airdrie offer a Sexual Abuse Support Group for Women abused as children. Go to their website at www.nrvcl.ab.ca for more information or call 403 945 3900.
Little Warriors www.littlewarriors.ca has a great Prevention Workshop, also offered through Community Links.
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